The last first day of undergrad is meant to be exciting - full of parties, friends, and making those final college memories. But when your expectations don't quite match reality, sometimes you need to rewrite the story.

This year is shaping up to be a mix of big goals and even bigger changes. I’ve got four major milestones ahead of me—graduating, launching a startup, running my first marathon, and starting my travels. But beyond these big moments, I’m also taking on side projects and personal challenges that feel just as important. It’s not just about checking off goals; it’s about figuring out how to handle everything that comes with them and letting myself grow along the way.

Life’s patterns often reveal themselves only when we look back, like finding the thread that connects everything together. I’ve spent years caught between wanting connection and fearing the risk it brings, keeping a careful distance even from those I care about. For so long, I thought I had to stay the same to preserve my relationships, afraid that change might push people away. But I’m starting to see that personal growth isn’t something to shy away from—and the people who truly matter will not only allow it but encourage it.

It’s 3 AM, and I’m facing my reflection, noticing how often I’ve turned away—not out of hatred, but because every glance feels like an evaluation. I’ve spent so much time seeing myself as a project, something to fix or improve, always striving to meet expectations I didn’t ask for. But maybe love—especially self-love—isn’t about becoming worthy. Maybe it’s about starting to believe we already are.

I’ve always prided myself on being the friend who shows up, ready to help and listen. But I’ve started to realize that in doing so, I’ve kept people at a distance, worried that my imperfections might burden them. The friends who truly stuck around didn’t just see the surface—they saw the messy parts too. They refused to let me push them away, teaching me that real connection isn’t about perfection, but about being seen, flaws and all.

Nightlife and I have always had a love-hate relationship. Some nights, the music drowns out my thoughts, and I feel completely free; other nights, the fear of being seen or judged takes over. Studying abroad helped me realize it wasn’t just about the music or the setting—it was about the people who make me feel safe enough to be myself.

I’ve always told myself I’m okay being alone, but deep down, I know I want more. I want the kind of friends who make life brighter—who share inside jokes, join in spontaneous plans, and turn simple moments into memories. This is my attempt to face the fear of reaching out, to admit that being alone isn’t always enough, and to find the courage to let people in.

When someone says they believe in me, it doesn’t feel comforting—it feels like a challenge. Compliments cut through the walls I’ve built, forcing me to confront the fear that I’m not as capable as people think. For years, I’ve shielded myself from disappointment by questioning the faith others have in me, but I’m starting to wonder—what if they’re right? This is my journey of learning to balance doubt with belief and finding the strength to see myself through the eyes of those who care about me.

Perfection wasn’t something I aimed for—it was something I hid behind. Every achievement became a shield, every perfect score another brick in the walls I built to protect myself from doubt. But what happens when those walls start to close in, leaving you exhausted and questioning what you’re really trying to prove? This is the story of how I learned the cost of being ‘perfect’ and what it truly means to let go.

Age has a way of messing with your head, doesn’t it? One hike up Lodestone Summit, and I found myself spiraling—panicking about turning 22 while strangers around me couldn’t decide if I was too young or too old. It hit me how much pressure we put on ourselves to “keep up” with some invisible timeline. But what if it’s not about when we do things, but how those moments shape us instead?

This dish was taught me this Ndeye Diouf, who helped cook for my host family in Senegal. While it wasn't my favorite meal, I appreciated it as one of the non-fish options, which, in turn, made everyone believe that this was one of my favorite dishes.

Friendships are one of the hardest things to lose. The pain cuts especially deep when you long to rekindle a friendship but find no reciprocation from the other side. You tell yourself it's okay that you let the friend go for the sake of your mental health, but knowing you missed the chance to be lifelong friends still aches. Everyone struggles with situations differently, and how people handle them varies. Looking back, perhaps situations were handled poorly, but at the time, what was needed was more maturity, time, and emotional stability…

Each month, I challenge myself to step outside my comfort zone. This series is part of that journey—a space to share my inner thoughts and reflections. Welcome to the first installment.

I have been on a journey of building myself up and letting go of the past. Through this process, I've reached a point where I'm starting to reflect on the decisions I've made. I'm not saying these decisions were wrong—at that point in time, they felt right. But do I look back at my choices and ask myself, "Why did I do that? That was a terrible decision." While understanding where you went wrong is important for future improvement, understanding and reflecting on why my past self made those decisions can provide so much more perspective on who I am...

For the past couple of years, I've been stuck in Journey 1 - Innovation. I've occasionally visited this website to write a few blogs or use it as a platform to sell the bags I used to sew. However, one can only remain in the Innovation stage for so long before it's time to move on, become consistent, and overcome the fear of posting content...

I used to have a website that hosted all my recipes, blogs, photos, and videos from my gap year in Senegal. I recently took the website down, so I thought I would post them here. I only have a couple of blogs I wrote back then and this is the last one I wrote. This blog debate squat toilets to westerner toilets. This blog was originally posted on 10/20/2019.

Berlin, a city that was once just a name on a map, now holds memories of reuniting with a friend from my Gap Year. The mix of excitement and apprehension filled me as I wondered if our bond would still be as strong. Settling into Berlin, I found that our friendship had endured, but also evolved....

I was going to lie and write this as if I just left Portugal, but I have always been told that it's best to be truthful. Also, having time and reflecting on Portugal, I would say it was the catalyst for me to start expressing my inner self to the world. There were a lot of firsts in Portugal: traveling entirely by myself, being the person to go and talk to strangers, surfing, making a TikTok, freely dancing at a bar with no care, and many more little things. All of these firsts have impacted who I am today in a meaningful way, and I would not be able to reflect on how it has affected me if I did not write it from today's perspective. Procrastination may have been in my favor this time…

I used to have a website that hosted all my recipes, blogs, photos, and videos from my gap year in Senegal. I recently took the website down, so I thought I would post them here. I only have a couple of blogs I wrote back then. This is the second to last blog from Senegal. This blog was originally posted on 9/25/2019.

While I took my Gap Year in Senegal, I learned and collected recipes from my host family, friends, and community. I posted this recipe on my Senegal blog, but since taking that down, I thought I would re-share some of the recipes:) This is Ndeye Diouf recipe and out of all the Maafe I have tried while in Senegal hers was my favorite.

While I took my Gap Year in Senegal, I learned and collected recipes from my host family, friends, and community. I posted this recipe on my Senegal blog, but since taking that down, I thought I would re-share some of the recipes:) This quick recipe (If you can call it that) comes from Yaay and Ndeye Diouf. They put it on everything, and I especially like it on the salads Yaay used to make me.