Lost in the Numbers Game of Life
April 30th, 2023 at 10:46 PM
Age has been messing with my head lately. You know that feeling when something just won't leave your brain alone? That's been me, especially since this hike I took right before turning 22.
I was climbing Lodestone summit, and my mind wouldn't shut up about the fact that I was about to turn 22 in a month and a half. The panic started creeping in - that suffocating feeling that I haven't done enough, that I'm somehow behind everyone else my age. Then something weird happened. I overheard these hikers behind me saying "I can't believe he is doing that at 20" about someone's son. Later, when I reached the top and started chatting with this lady about my studies in New Zealand, she hit me with "Aren't you too old to be studying abroad and in school?" Like, what? How can someone be too young and too old in the same day?
Growing up, all I wanted was to hit those big age markers - 16, 18, 21. It felt like I had all the time in the world. I kept telling myself "I'll do that next year" or "That's still three years away." But now? A year goes by in what feels like a week, and that list of things I wanted to do starts feeling less like dreams and more like this heavy weight I'm carrying around.
Everyone keeps throwing different messages at me. I read this book, "The Defining Decade" by Meg Jay, and it's all about how your 20s are these super important years where you should be out there starting companies, traveling, making new friends, and finding yourself. But then society's like "Hey, you're 22 - time to get that 9-5 job, start paying those student loans, get off your parents' insurance." Like, which is it? Am I supposed to be exploring life or settling down?
I know this probably comes from my competitive sports background, but I can't stop thinking about how achievements are viewed differently based on age. And yeah, I know seeking validation isn't healthy (it's literally on my New Year's resolutions list to work on), but I can't help wondering - at what point do people stop being impressed? If I start a company or travel solo or graduate at 22, is it somehow less meaningful than if I did it at 20?
The happiest people I've met don't seem to care about this age stuff at all. They have friends who are all different ages, and they're just living their lives, doing what they want when they want to do it. No "you're too old for that" or "aren't you too young?" Just... living.
You know what's BS? That whole "older and wiser" thing. Sure, sometimes it's true, but I've met plenty of people who've experienced more in a year than others have in a decade. It's not about how long you've been around - it's about what you've seen and done and learned.
Life's going by so fast, and I know that soon I'll be 23, 24, 25, maybe even 41, and the longer I wait to do the things I want to do, the harder it might get. But lately I've been wondering if maybe we're all just too caught up in these numbers. Maybe instead of counting years, we should be counting experiences, counting moments that changed us, counting the times we were brave enough to try something new - no matter what age we were when we did it.
I don't have any neat answers about this age thing. It still messes with my head sometimes. But I'm starting to think that maybe the trick isn't figuring out the "right" age to do things - maybe it's just doing them when they feel right for you.
SK
