Indifferent About COB Process
Last week after meeting some of the girls, I was so happy and excited to go about this process, feeling like I may finally fit in somewhere, but the reality did not fully hit until I started talking to my roommates and some other girls. I realize that I will not be selected or even get a chance because my Instagram is not aesthetic or not white enough or that I am not diverse. Going through this process is self-insuring and deprecating at the same time. I would describe this process as a dating app. When you get a text to meet someone, a callback, or a bid (just like a match on Tinder), there is dopamine that runs through your body, delighted that someone likes me enough to want to meet and get to know me. On the other hand, when you don’t get a text back or hear someone telling you that they like you as a person, but your outward image does not align with what they want burns a little.
Going into this process, I did make myself vulnerable to this, which is one of the reasons why I questioned about doing this to myself in fear of getting rejected and/ or sacrificing parts of my mental health that I have been trying to build back up these past couple of years. With everything, there are ups, and there are downs and what I have learned so far in life with this kind of stuff is that people sometimes will not like you at first glance, and there is nothing you can do about it. Also, to understand that when people look at you from the outside, they do not know everything about you, and sometimes the close people to you do not know. So you should not let their opinion and words hurt.
With all this being said, I do have a second coffee date and a dinner to go to this week. We will see if I get a bid from one of them. If I don’t get a bid from either one, then sorority life is not for me. I would then put more time into video creation, L2LL, and Sheabella Designs. Even though this process sometimes does not make me feel worthy, I would not take the process back because I would have regretted not taking the opportunity to try.
SK
